With myself
My mind's racing right now
I'm afraid I'm...going crazy
It happens in the middle of the night
Now and then
Mmm
Thank you for signing out
I'm glad no one is on the other end
I don't think it'd be so clever for anybody to listen to me ramble right now
I hold it all in because...i don't want to be a bad influence
i'm...a bad sample...already
the way i act, without words...just messed up and pent up inside
it would be too much of a waste to express everything i have a longing to express
but i have time to burn right now
it's the middle of the night...almost 2:00 in the morning, actually...
and i'm just too tired to haul myself up the stairs
i've been strange lately, forgive me
i've got some things to sort out...between me and me
and between me and a few other people
who i've let become too much of a part of me
who i'm holding on to too much...
who i have to say goodbye to
and i...just need to go do it before it becomes even harder to say
you know how it is
not so much...the pain of being rejected
but worse...I guess
wanting something so badly, and having a huge prospect of having it
having someone...want you back
knowing that...everything is perfect
except for the fact that you just CAN'T...have...eachother
that...you weren't made to have
them
and they weren't made to have you
and...it's like a cruel joke
pluck me up and relocate me onto an island where at least i won't defile my love's memories by...loving new people and making new friends.
Don't set me somewhere where I'll just...forget about them
I don't want to forget
That's the hardest part about changing
You don't want to forget...some things
some things are so perfect...but they have to be forsaken
all in the name of trust...and faith...and letting go
there's no closure to be had
closure is a wicked laugh in the face of a dead irony
closure is like the last breath before drowning
closure hits me and i hit him back and he always wins...
and i hate predictibility
yeah go ahead and prod me
prod me because i'm the living dead
i'm cattle
fry me and soak me in oil and place me in a neatly misconstrued macdonald hamburger
see if i care
it's more closing in on me than closer
things are getting smaller
things are getting simpler
i didn't want them to be simple
i was happy when i was complicated
life presented choices
there were...a million sides to a coin
and now someone tosses me a fabulous quarter
for a homeless man's last drink before he dies of starvation
and i turn it over in my hand and i realize...
two sides
and both sides are ugly...
On the one hand is an ugly man and on the other hand is a bunch of words
a bunch of words that mean nothing to me
that's what closure is all about
words that mean nothing to me
god grant me closure
give me that breath
give me that coin
so i can throw it all into the river and make a freaking statement
give me something i won't forget
don't make me turn my back...
you can't want me to walk away
it's enough that i've promised you already
i've made a thousand promises and you know
despite what i say or what i do or what i want
you can make it happen anyway
so just...take what i've given you and make it easy
make it painless, make it quick
for god's sake
don't give me a last meal
defile me and then leave me in the dust...
just give me...
just give me...
closure
and give it quick
so i can die with...something.
Thank you for signing out.
I guess I didn't realize how much I needed this chat with myself.
--March 6, 2005
I'm afraid I'm...going crazy
It happens in the middle of the night
Now and then
Mmm
Thank you for signing out
I'm glad no one is on the other end
I don't think it'd be so clever for anybody to listen to me ramble right now
I hold it all in because...i don't want to be a bad influence
i'm...a bad sample...already
the way i act, without words...just messed up and pent up inside
it would be too much of a waste to express everything i have a longing to express
but i have time to burn right now
it's the middle of the night...almost 2:00 in the morning, actually...
and i'm just too tired to haul myself up the stairs
i've been strange lately, forgive me
i've got some things to sort out...between me and me
and between me and a few other people
who i've let become too much of a part of me
who i'm holding on to too much...
who i have to say goodbye to
and i...just need to go do it before it becomes even harder to say
you know how it is
not so much...the pain of being rejected
but worse...I guess
wanting something so badly, and having a huge prospect of having it
having someone...want you back
knowing that...everything is perfect
except for the fact that you just CAN'T...have...eachother
that...you weren't made to have
them
and they weren't made to have you
and...it's like a cruel joke
pluck me up and relocate me onto an island where at least i won't defile my love's memories by...loving new people and making new friends.
Don't set me somewhere where I'll just...forget about them
I don't want to forget
That's the hardest part about changing
You don't want to forget...some things
some things are so perfect...but they have to be forsaken
all in the name of trust...and faith...and letting go
there's no closure to be had
closure is a wicked laugh in the face of a dead irony
closure is like the last breath before drowning
closure hits me and i hit him back and he always wins...
and i hate predictibility
yeah go ahead and prod me
prod me because i'm the living dead
i'm cattle
fry me and soak me in oil and place me in a neatly misconstrued macdonald hamburger
see if i care
it's more closing in on me than closer
things are getting smaller
things are getting simpler
i didn't want them to be simple
i was happy when i was complicated
life presented choices
there were...a million sides to a coin
and now someone tosses me a fabulous quarter
for a homeless man's last drink before he dies of starvation
and i turn it over in my hand and i realize...
two sides
and both sides are ugly...
On the one hand is an ugly man and on the other hand is a bunch of words
a bunch of words that mean nothing to me
that's what closure is all about
words that mean nothing to me
god grant me closure
give me that breath
give me that coin
so i can throw it all into the river and make a freaking statement
give me something i won't forget
don't make me turn my back...
you can't want me to walk away
it's enough that i've promised you already
i've made a thousand promises and you know
despite what i say or what i do or what i want
you can make it happen anyway
so just...take what i've given you and make it easy
make it painless, make it quick
for god's sake
don't give me a last meal
defile me and then leave me in the dust...
just give me...
just give me...
closure
and give it quick
so i can die with...something.
Thank you for signing out.
I guess I didn't realize how much I needed this chat with myself.
--March 6, 2005
